WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN?*

Today is July 4th. Independence Day.
Yes, it celebrates our independence from Great Britain in 1776.

But we have a misunderstanding about independence . . . true independence.

And we don’t seem to learn. In fact, we don’t seem to want to learn.

We think as children we have to rebel against our parents to be independent. But how independent are we if we are rebelling against someone? No more free, really than if we are complying with someone . . . because there is that someone to whom we are reacting. This is true whether our parents support us to become ourselves or control our growth, imposing themselves upon us.  Either way, at some point we need to find our selves on the inside, not as a reaction to someone or something else.

When will we ever learn?

We think as a nation that we have to war against other nations to be independent, that we have to free ourselves from other nations. Our use of oil is a prime example.  If long ago, when we realized the damage our use of oil was doing to our earth, our home . . . if then, instead of denying it, instead of fighting it, instead of taking our slow time making changes, we had found a way to live healthier – healthier for us, each other, and our Mother Earth – we wouldn’t have had to turn the truth into a fight for freedom against other countries, other peoples, and even our own land and peoples.

When will we ever learn?

We do not have to become independent from other people, other countries. We need to become independent within ourselves … free to know and live the truth, and free to be in relationship with others (as different from isolated). Free to be the truth of who we are, with integrity and compassion within ourselves and with and for others.

When will we ever learn?

We cannot do this from the outside in. Our efforts to do so will not last. The only way to do this and sustain it as a way of life, is to do it from the inside out. To go back to the place we went awry – even as long ago as our early childhood – and do the inner healing to redevelop ourselves as Selves. Then we can be truly independent and inter-dependent. Then we can be truly free.

When will we ever learn?

May we use this Independence Day to make a commitment to real freedom, and take the next step toward fulfilling that commitment. 

May we find our way to real freedom . . . from the inside out.

May you find your way to real freedom . . . from the inside out.

©Judith Barr, 2010

* The title of this blog post is based upon a line from Where Have All The Flowers Gone  words and music by Pete Seeger performed by Pete Seeger and Tao Rodriguez-Seeger ©1961 (Renewed) Fall River Music Inc All Rights Reserved.

ABUSE OF POWER UNDER A GUISE . . . REVISITED

This post is a follow-up to my previous post on this subject.

The man who was to be executed by a firing squad . . . was, in fact, executed.
The man who volunteered to be on the firing squad was one of five law enforcement officers on the firing squad.

Who can imagine this makes us feel safe?
Who can call our society civilized when such a thing could happen?
Who can imagine we are society of mature human beings if we can’t see through the guise?
Who can call us a society of healthy human beings if we can’t see through the guise?
The guise of justice covering abuse of power.
The guise of justice covering such deep wounding.

I posted a comment on a blog about the incident, and then went to read others’ posts to the blog.
My heart hurt so to read the responses. To see such hatred, rage, violence, and venom come from people
toward the man who had been executed . . . again under a guise.  And toward other people who responded without hatred, rage, violence, and venom.

I wondered who from their own early lives they were transferring onto this man who was executed, and onto others.
I wondered about the abuse in their early lives . . .
the cruelty in their childhoods  . . .
the punishments and other pain they suffered as children . . .
and under what guises?
Punishments that now they flung at others.
I wondered about the revenge someone took out on them during childhood,
revenge from a previous generation’s experiences of cruelty, hatred, punishment.

I wondered how to gather the help in larger numbers
so that together we can help to awaken and heal
our wounded, suffering, society.

(c) Judith Barr, 2010

Abuse of Power Under a Guise . . .

This month, in a few days, the death penalty may be carried out in Utah by means of a firing squad.
In Utah . . . in the United States . . . in 2010!

A man who volunteered to be on the firing squad, who has been on a firing squad before, and is currently a law enforcement officer in Utah . . . spoke to CNN* about the use of firing squads for death penalty cases, and about his experience of being on a firing squad.

Here are some of the things he said:

“How often does this come along? 100 percent justice.”
“The process is instantaneous and carried out with the utmost professionalism.”
“It was anti-climactic. Another day at the office.”
“I’ve shot squirrels I’ve felt worse about.”
“There’s (sic) just some people we need to kick off the planet.”
“The death penalty is nothing more than sending a defective product back to the manufacturer. Let him fix it.”

Does it take your breath away to hear this?  It does mine. Does it break your heart to hear this? It does mine. Imagine!

The abuse of power often takes place under a guise . . .
under the guise of taking care of people,
under the guise of helping people,
under the guise of serving people,
under the guise of justice. **

I urge you to see through the guises . . .
so you aren’t abused under a guise,
so you don’t collude with someone under a guise,
so you don’t remain passive in the face of a guise.

And here, in the form of a firing squad, is a guise for sure.
100% justice . . . that’s the guise.
The signs of the guise . . . what the law enforcement officer said:
“Another day at the office.”
“I’ve shot squirrels I’ve felt worse about,”
“There’s (sic) just some people we need to kick off the planet.”
“The death penalty is nothing more than sending a defective product back to the manufacturer. Let him fix it.”

If you experience being on a firing squad and shooting someone to death as “another day at the office,” you are numbed out and your heart is hardened and closed . . . abuse of power under the guise of professionalism and objectivity.
If you feel worse about squirrels you’ve shot than a human being, you are so disconnected from and misusing your feelings . . . which feeds the abuse of power you are committing.
If you have decided some people need to be kicked off the planet and set yourself up to participate in deciding who and how . . . you are not valuing human life and you are revealing your commitment to destroying what you don’t value. And kicking someone off the planet is abuse of power no matter how you describe it.
If you have decided “the death penalty is . . . sending a defective product back to the manufacturer,” you are abusing power under the guise of a belief and relationship with God.

We need to understand this. We need to know it, hear it, see it, and feel it.
We need to not be fooled by the guise that attempts to justify or hide abuse of power.
We need to understand this and not be fooled by the guise that attempts to justify or hide abuse of power anywhere – including in the bedroom, the living room, the classroom, the boardroom, the legislative halls, and the halls of justice.

* https://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/06/09/utah.firing.squad/index.html?hpt=C1

** In my book, Power Abused, Power Healed, I state:

“Every form of power can be used well or misused.
“The law has been used to manipulate as well as to serve justice. Parenthood has been used as a means of captivity, and it has been used to nourish a soul, helping it grow into fullness. Sexuality has been used as a weapon to rape and dominate, as a substitute for unmet childhood bonding and physical touch, and as an exquisite sacred expression of love and union.
“Even God’s name has been used both to destroy and to heal. Christian Inquisitors burned midwives at the stake; zealots have committed acts of violence all over the world in the name of religion. In contrast, people of many religions pray for peace; practitioners all over the world speak different names for God as they lay hands on suffering bodies to touch hearts and souls and restore them to health.”

(c) Judith Barr, 2010

Congress – America’s Biggest Dysfunctional Family

Congress doesn’t work anymore because it is like a dysfunctional family.

A family in which there is a string of successive fathers, who try to do something for the family -to make it like they want it – while bringing their own wounds and dysfunctions to the group. A family in which there is no mother at the head of the family. Where did she go? Who took her? Who got rid of her? Where in the world is she? Her absence leaving the dysfunction that comes of abandonment. Even if she was barred from the family.

A family in which the siblings have learned to fight with each other . . . some of them while pretending they’re not fighting; some of them under the guise of friendship; some of them fighting in public view while being close in private; some of them trying to win; some of them trying to make the others fail; some of them fighting to the death, albeit figurative death . . . to date. None of them seeing what they are doing to each other. All of them blind and uncaring about what they are doing to the family. Fighting for what they want . . . the family be damned! The consequences be damned!

And that’s what our members of Congress are doing. They’re acting like the children in a horribly dysfunctional family. They’re in adult bodies. Some of them even have adult personas. But some of them, many of them, looking and acting like children right out in full view. Meanwhile they are all (or almost all) regressed children . . . as young as the age at which they were wounded in their own early lives. We have regressed, wounded children running our Senate. We have regressed and wounded children attempting to do the business of our House. We have regressed and wounded children claiming to lead our country.

When we are wounded as children, we get stuck at that age, that point in time, that developmental level. We may grow around the wound, but the wound is left there in the center. We may create defenses that help us seem to develop around the wound, but the defenses don’t dissolve the wound. Until we actually heal the wound, we will consistently, under stress, regress back to the level of that small child — mentally, emotionally, in some ways even physically.

No amount of bandaids will heal the wound. No quick fixes, no matter how simple or how sophisticated, will heal the wound. No amount of managing of behavior, thoughts, or feelings will heal the wound and help the development to continue. The dysfunction will continue, even expand and escalate . . . until we heal the wound to its root.

Our Congress is a dysfunctional family. A family of wounded children. The family needs therapy . . . both as a family and every member of the family.

But…is it just our Congress that’s a dysfunctional family?

© Judith Barr, 2010

HATRED OF WOMEN EXPOSED AGAIN: ALL THE MISOGYNY MONEY CAN BUY!

Soon it will be March.
March is Women’s History Month …
a month created to celebrate the gift that women are to our world and our civilization.

Just a few weeks ago, on February 7, not long before Women’s History Month . . .
Right out in the open, we saw misogyny in action in Super Bowl commercials.
Misogyny:  hatred of women! In very expensive Super Bowl commercials.

In a Bridgestone Tire ad,* thugs stop a car and say “Your Bridgestone tires or your life!”
The driver throws a woman out of the car.
The thugs say “Not your wife! Your life!”
The misogyny portrayed is obvious –
a man’s tires are of far more value to him than his wife!

An E*trade commercial** supports men being unfaithful to women starting in the crib. In the E*trade ad a baby boy lies to and cheats on a baby girl with another baby girl. The misogyny once again is blatant: girls/women don’t deserve to have boys/men keep their commitments to them.

And the Dodge Charger ad*** – Man’s Last Stand – reveals a number of men, angry men, men in whom the rage is evident. Michael C. Hall does the voice for all of them. He’s also plays the lead in the television show Dexter, in which out in the open, he’s a blood spatter analyst for the Miami PD, while “undercover” he’s a serial killer.  This background sets up the commercial perfectly as the men in it say things like:

I will shave.
I will clean the sink after I shave …
I will take your call …
I will be civil to your mother …
I will put the seat down…
I will separate the recycling …
I will put my underwear in the basket …
And because I do this,
I will drive the car I want to drive***

He’s saying, “It is your #@&% fault, woman, that I have to be a responsible person . . . and a responsible adult. I’m enraged at you. I’ll be responsible but my reward is to drive whatever car I want.”  The misogyny in this ad is visible, audible, palpable.

That these and other misogynistic ads could be accepted by the network anytime of the year as commercials reveals a lot. That they were accepted as Super Bowl commercials exposes right out in the light of day the undeniable misogyny in our country.

In order to truly celebrate Women’s History Month . . . we need to see, acknowledge, and work to heal misogyny, both individually and communally.
You don’t have to be a man to hate women. Women have been taught to hate themselves and each other for eons.
To heal misogyny in our world . . .
We need to see it in ourselves – whether we are men or women. And we need to see it and stand up to it in our world amongst both men and women.

© Judith Barr, 2010

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_gZiYAG4Es
** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3NJhgSZmoM
*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGZa5xGwgko

HAITI . . . AND YOU, ME, ALL OF US!

Haiti —
A tragedy has occurred in Haiti.
A 7.0 earthquake that has destroyed homes, hospitals, whole towns . . .
has broken hearts . . .
has rent daily life in a million pieces.

It is very real.
People are dead, missing, hurt.
People are frightened, lost, at a loss as to how to take care of themselves
and their loved ones.

Those of us outside Haiti are having our own responses.
Thank goodness . . .
so many are feeling deep compassion,
so many are feeling sorrow for those affected,
so many are called to help.
We need to feel compassion and sorrow.
We need to help and they need our help.

But even with the call to help, even with the actual movement to help,
even as we feel the very real here-and-now pain of loss,
we need to look within and find out what is being triggered in us by this tragedy.

We all, once long ago, as babies, had something akin to this painful experience . . .
perhaps it even felt like an earthquake to our young selves and our young lives.

We all, once long ago, as babies, had something akin to this painful experience . . .
whether for a moment, a few minutes,  hours, days, weeks, or years.
We all once felt unsafe . . .
even if it was as we were coming into this world,
even if it was when our mother had the flu and couldn’t get to us when we were hungry,
even if it was when one parent yelled at us, followed by the other rocking and comforting us.
We all once felt powerless . . . even if it was when we cried and cried and couldn’t get anyone to come to take care of us
for what might have only been minutes, but seemed to us like forever.

We all once felt scared about our future . . . even if it was our future at a time we couldn’t even say the word ‘future’
or a time when a few moments felt like an entire future.

What I’m saying is this.
What is happening in Haiti leaves us with much here-and-now pain and fear.
What is happening in Haiti also touches something in us all from long ago that we know . . .
even if we don’t consciously know we know it.
And what we do with that “touching” is very important.

Our reaching out in this time of need is a wonderful thing…but we should not stop there.
If we just let those moments long ago be touched and reach out to the people of Haiti to get away from our own experiences,
we do a great disservice to everyone – the Haitians, ourselves, anyone close to us, and anyone in the future who triggers those
same feelings in us.

If, however, we let ourselves reach out to the people of Haiti and also explore the roots of our own similar experiences,
we can help our world in ways we might never have imagined.

Every one of us who explores the roots of our own feelings of powerlessness, loss, fear, and unsafety …
working through and resolving those experiences from long, long ago …
has a new kind of power, power from the inside out —
power to help us respond to danger in new, more creative, more inspired, more conscious ways —
and power to help create safety in our world today and tomorrow.

(c) Judith Barr, 2010

A Year Ago – Ugly Monday

Today is the one year anniversary of Ugly Monday.
On September 15, 2008, the Dow dropped 500 points,
the economy took a crumbling dive, and took us on a ride that isn’t over yet. . . even though some people believe it is.

One of the not-well-known reasons it isn’t over yet . . .
People have been doing things on the level of outer actions all through the year.
But very few have explored the roots of their thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and relationships with money.  

These unexplored roots actually drive what occurs in our financial lives individually, nationally, and globally.

As I’ve said many times before . . . The anxiety people have in their relationships with money preceded the recession and all the
economic turmoil by a long, long time.  That anxiety will be here after the chaos has been calmed and we are on seemingly solid
ground again, or even actually solid ground.  For many people, that anxiety exists all the time. It’s not going to go away – certainly not
any time soon. Certainly not as a result of things we do on the practical level in the outer world, either – not by selling our assets,
growing our savings, getting another job, cashing in an IRA, buying lottery tickets, or any amount of planning.

The only thing that can help resolve that anxiety is for us to do the work in our inner world – the world of our psyche and soul – to
discover, explore, heal and improve our relationship with money.  In other words, the things we do in the outer world cannot be
sustained without our also doing things in our inner world that bring healing and transformation.

You may have a hard time believing this, but at the root, people’s relationships with money are based on a young child’s thoughts,
feelings, and decisions about money and even more, about the things money symbolizes for them. So when under financial stress,
people regress to a young age . . . even if they’re not aware of it, even if they don’t believe it.   And from this young age, while
believing they are full adults, they make young decisions about things which need an adult to decide them.

So imagine if you, your friends, your parents, your community leaders, your state and federal leaders are all regressed and making
decisions from places within them of which they have no awareness . . . of which we have no awareness.

Sadly, there have been few in the media and financial worlds, and even the therapeutic world, who are talking about this aspect of the solution.
Having this conversation is crucial. Bringing this conversation out into the world for all to hear and take part in is crucial.
Taking action on these understandings is crucial. 

It’s time to become aware. It’s time to heal what interferes with our wisdom and heart.
It’s time.

© 2009, Judith Barr

*I addressed this theme in more detail in my article A Recession Regression. If you would like to receive a free pdf copy of this article, please email me at Info@PowerAbusedPowerHealed.com.

Crowley and Gates “Agreed To Disagree”

I wasn’t there when Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and Cambridge police sergeant James Crowley met at the White House with President Obama.

I don’t really know what happened. I have read multiple times that Crowley said they “agreed to disagree.”

In one report it was reported that Crowley said the two men “have agreed that both perspectives should be addressed.” *

Regardless of what did happen at the meeting . . . I feel called to comment on “agreeing to disagree.”

In Power Abused, Power Healed, as Mita is talking with Jason about her correspondence with Alan, she says:

His phrase, ‘This is my truth and that is your truth’ actually muddies the meaning of ‘truth’ . . .

Statements such as ‘This is my truth and that is your truth,’  and ‘we can agree to disagree’ offer an escape from the need to do the hard work to know, learn, and face an objective truth, a deeper truth. (P 52) **

And in my audio “Woman, Come to Your Self,” I invite you to …

Imagine being that truthful.
Imagine being that much yourself
and still being in relationship.
Imagine being that real
and still being valued.
Imagine being that much yourself
and still being loved.
Imagine being that real, that much yourself
and when the conflicts come
you both stand in your truth
and instead of collapsing your truth,
instead of compromising on the surface,
you trust truth
to take you deeper
into a real solution,
a true resolution
within each of you and between you.
A real resolution created from truth… ***

I know this may seem like it contradicts what I said in my book. But actually it says the same thing. It says that we need to take “our truths” and do the deep work to follow them to the deepest truth and the deepest resolution possible.

Back to Power Abused, Power Healed . . .

Like the old story of the blind people standing around an elephant, each thinking she knows what an elephant is from feeling it, while describing only one part of the elephant – the tail, the trunk, the foot, the ear, the belly.  (p. 187 )**

Is it enough to agree that you think this is an ear and I think this is a trunk? It’s better than warring with each other over who is right. But far better still, is for each of us to do the work – whatever work we need to do – so that we both discover this is an elephant.

Who knows what Crowley and Gates would have discovered at the core? I can tell you that I watch people learn how to do this in every appointment, every workshop I do.  It is a far deeper, far more expansive way to be in life. And it offers far more possibilities!

*https://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/07/30/politics/politicalhotsheet/entry5199511.shtml
** https://www.PowerAbusedPowerHealed.com
*** https://judithbarr.com/shop/

(c) Judith Barr, 2009

ENOUGH!

Enough!

Enough of people acting out their feelings
when they don’t get what they want.
A man shot Dr. George Tiller for helping women
preserve and exercise their choices.*
 
Enough of people hurting and killing others
when they want something that isn’t theirs…
when they want power and abuse it horrifically.
 Women in Darfur live a nightmare of sexual violence.**
 
Enough of people hurting and killing themselves
when they can’t do what they want.
Husbands kill their families and themselves
when they lose their jobs and financial security.***
 
Enough!
 
It’s time that people all over the world
learn to want what they want,
but not destroy to get it.
 
It’s time that people all over the world
learn to feel their feelings
and not act out destructively
in response to their feelings.
 
It’s time we stop calling people who act out on their feelings
mentally ill . . .
we all have the capacity to do so.
It’s time we stop deluding ourselves into thinking
that “they are destructive but we are not.”
We all have the capacity to be destructive.
We all have destructive thoughts and feelings
right alongside our creative and loving feelings.
 
It’s time we stop thinking of feelings as something
to be managed and controlled
or out of control.
Instead we need to re-weave the fabric of our world culture
to set as the standard  . . .
working through and healing our feelings
when they are born of early wounds. . . which they so very
often are!
 
Enough!
 
I know we cannot do this overnight!
But every single person who does his or her own healing
contributes to the healing of our world.
And every single parent who does his or her own healing
and teaches his or her children how to be with feelings
contributes to the healing of our world.
And every leader in every arena who does his or her own healing
contributes to the healing of our world.
 
Enough acting out destructively on our feelings!
And not nearly enough healing . . . yet!
 
*https://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/05/31/kansas.doctor.killed/index.html 
**https://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/05/31/darfur.rape.study/index.html
***https://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Credit-Crunch-Killing-Man-In-Los-Angeles-Shoots-Dead-Wife-And-Five-Children-After-Losing-His-Job/Article/200901415211562?f=rss
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1070935/American-financier-kills-family-losing-fortune-credit-crunch.html
https://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/10/06/california.murder.suicide/index.html

(c) Judith Barr, 2009