THE POWER OF A PENIS

As someone with the deep intention of helping us to heal the misuse and abuse of power in our world and the wounding from which that abuse comes . . . I know only too well that we all have the potential to misuse and abuse our power. We all have wounds, some from our experience in our families and some from our experience in our communities, our culture, our world. One of our responses to the deep, intense, raw, painful feelings from our wounds, is to misuse and abuse the power we have . . . or to misuse and abuse in order to feel like we can grab some power from the places we have felt and perhaps still feel powerless. And who amongst us hasn’t felt powerless? Who amongst us hasn’t felt powerless as we were born? Who amongst us didn’t feel powerless as an infant? A baby? A child?

I know only too well that we all have the potential to misuse and abuse our power – men and women alike. Men and women of all ages, races, classes, sexual preferences, spiritual traditions.

At different times in my speaking, teaching, and writing about the issues of power and wounding, I focus on different aspects and different people who misuse and abuse their power. I have published an audio cassette about women abusing their power. I have led workshops about how people misuse their power with money. I have done individual sessions with both men and women related to how power was abused with them when they were children, and how they have misused or abused their power in response. And more.

Recently I wrote a post about the horrible treatment of women in our world, pinpointing some bills in Congress (bills supported by both men and women) that would be harmful to women in our country. Although it encompasses much more, the following post also has as part of its theme the abuse of power often directed at the women in our world..

I simply want you to know before you read today’s post that my scope is large. My work is with everyone, men and women. Although I have written much about the abuse of women by men, I know that women abuse their power, too, sometimes in blatant ways, often in subtle ways, and I do not want to give the impression that I have any bias against men. And I also want you to know that I will also be covering the feminine abuse of power in future posts in their own right timing and connection with events in our world.


If you have a penis and cannot use the power of your penis with respect for both you and everyone else . . . then how can you be trusted to use other power well?

Saturday, May 14, 2011: Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the managing director of the International Monetary Fund, allegedly physically and sexually attacked a maid at a midtown Manhattan hotel. He was mayor of Sarcelles. He was planning on running for President of France in 2012. He held positions of great power.

But we could ask the same question of many others who have held positions of great power – including Senator John Ensign, former President Bill Clinton, Senator John Edwards, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (who all had affairs, hid them, and lied about them), and Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi (accused of paying for sex with an underage prostitute and then trying to cover it up through abuse of power).

Women misuse their power, too! Our focus right now, though, is on abuses we see directed at women, in a world where women are often treated so horribly and often still denied power . . . In a world where attempts to escalate the denial of power – the powerlessness – of women abound . . .  In a world where the patriarchy is not only firmly entrenched (in the minds and hearts of men and women alike) . . . but also in a world where efforts to reinstate and re-strengthen the patriarchy are underway in this very moment . . .

In a world where all of this is sadly, tragically normalized . . .

Today we will concentrate on this. . .

If you have a penis and cannot use the power of your penis with respect for both yourself and also everyone else . . . then how can you be trusted to use other power well?

The power of your physical strength. The power of your mind. The power of your position – in your family, in your place of work, in your leadership in and out of government. The power of money – in your individual life and in any group in which you have the power to utilize money and make decisions about money. The power of the law – on the street, at the police station, in court, in lawmaking bodies, in executive bodies. The power of the truth. And yes, even the power of love.

We all need to ask ourselves these questions.
Those of us who have a penis and do not use our power well.
Those of us who have a penis and, although we use the power of our penis well, we have thoughts and feelings in which we don’t – thoughts and feelings that are signs to us of something needing to be healed.
Those of us who don’t have penises and misuse our power, too – perhaps in relation to adult men who have penises; perhaps in relation to male babies and children; perhaps in relation to other females.
And those of us who don’t have penises and need to discern who to trust and who not to trust.

We have a lot of work to do . . . Will you do your part?

© Judith Barr, 2011

Sex and The Media: Where’s The Accountability?

In these times . . . when so much is going on in our world, not just in our country, but all over our world . . . when every media report has the potential to be heard or read by millions . . . our media needs to be more accountable than ever before.

But recently two media organizations ran stories that were anything but responsible or accountable!

The first was a NewYorkTimes.com story about about an 11-year old girl who was gang raped in Cleveland, Texas. The story was slanted in favor of everyone except the girl. The community that had been destroyed. The men and boys who raped her who would have to live with this for the rest of their lives. And the story was slanted against the little girl. It talked about a neighbor asking where her mother was and others talking about how she dressed older than her age. What century do we live in that a little girl is blamed for being raped by 18 men and boys? What country do we live in that this has occurred? And what has happened to the New York Times that it would publish a story like this? Many have said it reflects the rape culture we live in. Perhaps that is so. Regardless, I hold the New York Times accountable for its story. We all need to!

The second was a CBS.com story about a 24-year old woman who has concocted a misuse and abuse of sexuality under the guise of therapy. She calls herself “The Naked Therapist.” She calls what she does “naked therapy.” She promises “power through arousal.” She is not trained or licensed as a psychotherapist. She calls her clients “patients” and charges them $150 an hour to seduce, titillate, and manipulate them into watching her undress, under the guise – the absurd, bizarre, unbelievable guise – of healing.

To add insult to injury, what is CBSnews.com doing publishing an article that doesn’t expose this for what it is – abuse! Not only do they not censure what this woman does, they mention she is not licensed, they mention that professional therapy organizations would not approve of what she does, but they go on and talk about what she does . . . as though it’s okay. Really, their article titillates, which unfortunately in our world, sells stories. How very wounded a society is in which a story like this can be used to titillate and sell a product! I hold CBS.com accountable for its story. We all need to.

This brings us right back to the beginning . . . if the media isn’t accountable for the stories it publishes, we need to hold them accountable.

If we don’t hold them accountable . . . what does that say about us? What does it say about what we need to heal in ourselves? What does it say about what we need to heal personally, individually, for our own lives and for the sake of our society?

© Judith Barr, 2011

A War Against Women . . .

When is a political campaign (and I don’t mean an election) a guise for accomplishing something far more sinister and far more dangerous than is claimed?

When seeming attempts to save unborn lives in the name of something holy are really a war on women.

When apparent efforts to prevent abortion in the name of protecting the lives of the unborn are, in actuality, purposeful, planned moves to take away women’s power .  .  . a war against women.

When men, and most tragically of all, other women themselves, are so afraid of the power women have birthed and claimed in recent times, that they are bound and determined to turn back the times and make women powerless . . . a war against women.

When men, and even women, collude, under the guise of goodness, to make women possessions again . . . possessions of their fathers, possessions of their husbands, possessions of their religions, possessions of the Divine as they perceive the Divine, women making themselves the possessions of others, even women treating themselves like possessions . . . a war against women.

When men, afraid of the growing power women have claimed, and even women themselves are afraid of their own power and the power of other women, and instead of supporting that power and working through their own fears, want to squash that power forever . . . in a war against women.

Wherever else this is happening in our world, it is also happening right now in the United States of America in 2011.

It is rising to bizarre proportions! Last week, there was a bill in Congress that , under the guise of taking action to prevent abortions, would have redefined rape to include only forcible rape . . . and to leave women powerless when they are violated in other ways – by date rape, by rape that occurs when a perpetrator drugs his victim, by rape while a woman is intoxicated or asleep, by rape perpetrated on underage females,by rape when a woman withdraws her consent, or by rape when a woman is trying not to be injured further or is trying to stay alive.

Whatever this bill looked like it was doing, H.R.3, The No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act was, in truth, a war on women’s power, a war on women’s protection, a war on women’s access to help . . . a war against women!

And this bill was one single action in millions that have been taking place and that will continue to take place.

A terrorizing war . . . against women!
It’s like a daughter of an incest perpetrator who cuts her off from help in the family, isolates her from the outside world, threatens her loss of safety, threatens her daily survival — food, clothing, shelter, and medical help – squashes her voice, and most dangerous of all, puts on the face of kindness and goodness one minute, while stalking her silently and consistently, so that she is scared all the time.

I know that this is the backlash to the power women have been birthing, growing, and claiming. And I know a backlash was inevitable.  We need to take this seriously now!  This is a war against women.

If we are going to end this war against women, we – women and men alike – are going to need to do our own inner healing.  All of us are part of this, whether we want to know it, acknowledge it, feel it . . . or not!  This is no joke!  I don’t mean just by reading self help books or going to support groups or even a workshop here and there.  We are going to need to heal within us our own fears of being powerless, and also the places where we would take dangerous actions to crush someone else’s power because we are afraid.

There is much more that needs to be said, taught, and healed here than I can do in this short time and space.  I hope, though, that I have opened your eyes to see what is really occurring, opened your mind to help you think about the truth of what is happening, and opened your heart to say ‘yes’ to the healing you, yourself, need to do.  I also hope that you will pass this on to others . . .  whose eyes, minds, and hearts need to open.

Thank you and many blessings,
Judith Barr

(C) Judith Barr, 2011

HATRED OF WOMEN EXPOSED AGAIN: ALL THE MISOGYNY MONEY CAN BUY!

Soon it will be March.
March is Women’s History Month …
a month created to celebrate the gift that women are to our world and our civilization.

Just a few weeks ago, on February 7, not long before Women’s History Month . . .
Right out in the open, we saw misogyny in action in Super Bowl commercials.
Misogyny:  hatred of women! In very expensive Super Bowl commercials.

In a Bridgestone Tire ad,* thugs stop a car and say “Your Bridgestone tires or your life!”
The driver throws a woman out of the car.
The thugs say “Not your wife! Your life!”
The misogyny portrayed is obvious –
a man’s tires are of far more value to him than his wife!

An E*trade commercial** supports men being unfaithful to women starting in the crib. In the E*trade ad a baby boy lies to and cheats on a baby girl with another baby girl. The misogyny once again is blatant: girls/women don’t deserve to have boys/men keep their commitments to them.

And the Dodge Charger ad*** – Man’s Last Stand – reveals a number of men, angry men, men in whom the rage is evident. Michael C. Hall does the voice for all of them. He’s also plays the lead in the television show Dexter, in which out in the open, he’s a blood spatter analyst for the Miami PD, while “undercover” he’s a serial killer.  This background sets up the commercial perfectly as the men in it say things like:

I will shave.
I will clean the sink after I shave …
I will take your call …
I will be civil to your mother …
I will put the seat down…
I will separate the recycling …
I will put my underwear in the basket …
And because I do this,
I will drive the car I want to drive***

He’s saying, “It is your #@&% fault, woman, that I have to be a responsible person . . . and a responsible adult. I’m enraged at you. I’ll be responsible but my reward is to drive whatever car I want.”  The misogyny in this ad is visible, audible, palpable.

That these and other misogynistic ads could be accepted by the network anytime of the year as commercials reveals a lot. That they were accepted as Super Bowl commercials exposes right out in the light of day the undeniable misogyny in our country.

In order to truly celebrate Women’s History Month . . . we need to see, acknowledge, and work to heal misogyny, both individually and communally.
You don’t have to be a man to hate women. Women have been taught to hate themselves and each other for eons.
To heal misogyny in our world . . .
We need to see it in ourselves – whether we are men or women. And we need to see it and stand up to it in our world amongst both men and women.

© Judith Barr, 2010

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_gZiYAG4Es
** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3NJhgSZmoM
*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGZa5xGwgko