A TWO-FER IN THE ABUSE DEPARTMENT . . . HAVE WE HAD OUR FILL YET?

In just a few days, we have been informed of two more abuses of power amongst our government officials — one definitely occurred, the other has been alleged . . . and it seems facts are bearing it out. Most importantly, both of them had horrific impact on citizens of our country!

One . . . Governor David Paterson of New York is accused of having used his power in behalf of an aide.

The aide had been accused of battering his girlfriend, who then filed a criminal complaint against him. The governor is alleged to have sent state police officers, who did not have any jurisdiction in the case, to speak with the alleged victim to harass her into not proceeding with the action,* and then to have asked his press secretary to contact the victim and instruct her to publicly describe the incident as “non-violent.” He is alleged to have then called her himself…after which she would not appear in court to proceed with the case.**  So she was victimized twice … once by her boyfriend and once by the governor.

Who needs to do their work with their relationship with power in the state of New York? Certainly, the governor’s aide. And it certainly looks like the governor needs to himself.  Although this incident is in no way, shape, or form her fault or responsibility…even the woman in the case needs to work with her relationship with power . . . so she can stand up against abuse, instead of collapsing in the face of the governor’s call.

Two . . . Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky, with his single vote, made sure jobless aid (and help with health insurance premiums) ran out Sunday night February 28th. And again Tuesday morning, March 3, when another Senator requested a 30 month extension of jobless benefits.*** And although eventually, his colleagues seem to have had an impact, and he backed down . . . for too long a time one single senator had the power to cause the suffering of tens of thousands of citizens.  One senator abused the power he had, the consequences be damned.

Who needs to do their work with their relationship with power in the Senate? Certainly Senator Bunning. Actually, every single senator needs to work with his/her relationship with power.  Not just because of terrible misuses of power they have committed, but to help them keep themselves in integrity with their relationship with power and the power they have.

Have we had our fill yet?   Are we just going to keep watching the people out there who misuse and abuse their power, say ‘tsk tsk,’ and exonerate ourselves?  Or are we going to look in the mirror these leaders hold up for us? Are we going to do our own inner work with the misuse and abuse of power in our own lives . . . so we can pull our abuse of power out of the collective pool?  And so we can stand up and say ‘no’ when others abuse their power?

The truth is . . . we all need to do our own inner work with our relationships with power.  We’ve all experienced others using their power with us . . . from the time we were born. And we all have had at least some painful experiences through childhood and into our adulthood.  We all use power — sometimes well and for great good, sometimes poorly and causing harm. Each one of us needs to take seriously our responsibility to do our own healing with our relationship with power . . . for our own sake and for the sake of our world.

© Judith Barr, 2010

* https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Politics/2010/0225/New-York-scandal-threatens-Gov.-David-Paterson-s-election-bid
** https://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2010/03/the-david-paterson-story-somehow-manages-to-get-even-worse.html  
*** article at BostonHerald.com

Congress – America’s Biggest Dysfunctional Family

Congress doesn’t work anymore because it is like a dysfunctional family.

A family in which there is a string of successive fathers, who try to do something for the family -to make it like they want it – while bringing their own wounds and dysfunctions to the group. A family in which there is no mother at the head of the family. Where did she go? Who took her? Who got rid of her? Where in the world is she? Her absence leaving the dysfunction that comes of abandonment. Even if she was barred from the family.

A family in which the siblings have learned to fight with each other . . . some of them while pretending they’re not fighting; some of them under the guise of friendship; some of them fighting in public view while being close in private; some of them trying to win; some of them trying to make the others fail; some of them fighting to the death, albeit figurative death . . . to date. None of them seeing what they are doing to each other. All of them blind and uncaring about what they are doing to the family. Fighting for what they want . . . the family be damned! The consequences be damned!

And that’s what our members of Congress are doing. They’re acting like the children in a horribly dysfunctional family. They’re in adult bodies. Some of them even have adult personas. But some of them, many of them, looking and acting like children right out in full view. Meanwhile they are all (or almost all) regressed children . . . as young as the age at which they were wounded in their own early lives. We have regressed, wounded children running our Senate. We have regressed and wounded children attempting to do the business of our House. We have regressed and wounded children claiming to lead our country.

When we are wounded as children, we get stuck at that age, that point in time, that developmental level. We may grow around the wound, but the wound is left there in the center. We may create defenses that help us seem to develop around the wound, but the defenses don’t dissolve the wound. Until we actually heal the wound, we will consistently, under stress, regress back to the level of that small child — mentally, emotionally, in some ways even physically.

No amount of bandaids will heal the wound. No quick fixes, no matter how simple or how sophisticated, will heal the wound. No amount of managing of behavior, thoughts, or feelings will heal the wound and help the development to continue. The dysfunction will continue, even expand and escalate . . . until we heal the wound to its root.

Our Congress is a dysfunctional family. A family of wounded children. The family needs therapy . . . both as a family and every member of the family.

But…is it just our Congress that’s a dysfunctional family?

© Judith Barr, 2010

WHERE IS YOUR VOICE?

In my work as a psychotherapist, I work tirelessly to help people either birth or reclaim their voices.  It’s not that they can’t speak. It’s that they are unable to speak up – for themselves, for someone they love, or for something they believe in. 

Perhaps that ability was squashed when they were babies, before they barely birthed and found their own voices – literally and emotionally.  When they cried – the way babies speak – someone was triggered by their crying and got frustrated, angry, or even abusive.  Or perhaps they were two years old, saying ‘no’ as a way of finding their individuated, own unique selves, and again, someone was evoked by their expressing themselves. That adult someone mistakenly thought the child was trying to control him or her and decided “I’ll show them who’s boss.”

Children can be scared out of using their voice – out of speaking their minds and their hearts – by the threat or actuality of attack or abandonment. When that happens, the work of healing to use their voice is deep, touching, and very real.

In thirty plus years doing this work, I would say every single person I’ve worked with has experienced this wound and needed to do the healing to have and be able to use their voice well and without abusing it. Not because these people were sick, but because they were wounded in relation to their own voices.

Watching our country over the past years, I would say many, many citizens in our country are suffering from the same wound. Some who don’t speak up when they need to.  And some who speak up so abrasively, even so abusively that you might mistakenly think they had no problem with their voice at all.

This shows up in our elections. It shows up in our disagreements about important controversial issues such as healthcare, a woman’s right to choose what happens with her body, and prejudice about people who are different from us. And most recently, it is showing up in the aftermath of the Supreme Court’s decision that a corporation has a voice – a limitless voice – through unlimited use of its money to fund campaign ads for candidates of its choice.*

It is bizarre to give a corporation voice that in the constitution was meant for human beings.  It is bizarre to give a corporation such unlimited voice in elections, and especially under the guise of protecting first amendment rights to freedom of speech. That in itself will likely squash people’s individual voices, especially those of politicians running for office.  That is one of the potential consequences of this decision. But that’s not the voice I’m most concerned about today.

Today I’m concerned that I haven’t heard enough voices of individual citizens expressing themselves about this ruling.  Usually when something that has this much impact occurs, many of my clients talk about it in sessions.  They discuss their feelings about it, and they explore what it brings up in them. Something it would serve us all to do.  Very very few are exploring this event. My colleagues usually speak up about something like this . . . I’m not hearing any talk about this other than passing comments right after the decision.

And I’m concerned that I’m not hearing or reading very much about it in the media. It hasn’t come up on my internet news page since the day after the decision. And I haven’t heard it on the news to which I’ve listened since that same day. 

I shudder to think what such voicelessness can create in our country.
Actually, I shudder to think what voicelessness created an environment in our country in which such a ruling could be made and people would be quiet about it.

We have a lot of healing to do to move from being a voiceless people to a people who will and do use our precious voices to speak up for truth and justice . . . consistently, effectively, and impactfully.

Where is your voice?

*From MSNBC: “In a landmark ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court on Thursday struck down laws that banned corporations from using their own money to support or oppose candidates for public office. By a 5-4 vote, the court overturned federal laws, in effect for decades, that prevented corporations from using their profits to buy political campaign ads.”
(https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34822247/ns/politics-supreme_court/ )

(c) Judith Barr, 2010